draft 1- Noors Failed Personal Statement

Rain brashly crashed across my attic windows, begging to be let into my warm bedroom. I made my coffee black and then sat down at my desk.

The smell of roasted coffee beans wafted through the room and combined with the hard pattering of rainwater my primal instincts were activated. It was meditative.

The rest of this post is my draft 1. It makes a terrible application to medical school but definitely a good blog post.

I have kept my tutors exact comments in so you know why.

Here goes:

For as long as I can remember, I did not want to be a doctor. 

I despised the profession. My father, an excellent surgeon, pushed it onto me from a young age and I rebelled. I searched and searched for another, better career. I dived into self-improvement, analysed my personality, my strengths, my weaknesses. I sought the career advice of over 20 professionals in many different fields. And every time, the road would lead back to medicine. Everything I wanted seemed to lie behind that door. 

Over 3 years of searching for an alternative career, I matured. I grew more aware of my father’s reasoning, and I began to see in myself what he had envisioned in me since the moment I opened my eyes to this world. 

That being a doctor, a saviour of lives of Homo sapiens was inevitably, my future.

  • You can’t say that. It is too negative (honest, but too negative).  Too strong statement! I would start with something like: you admire your father and the impact of his work… It triggered something… Etc…

Living in Syria during the war was the hardest time of my life so far. The war was only a part of it- for I became the man of the house, guiding my mother and younger siblings through social unrest and towards success in school and our family life. Through sleepless nights and early mornings, I carried my father’s responsibility on my shoulders, and won. In one year, I learnt Arabic and received a mark of 280/ 310 in my Syrian Grade 9 qualification, my greatest achievement to date. When the men with guns came to our house, I stepped up. Speaking to them calmly. Telling them not to hurt my family. That we that we had nothing to hide. When my father brought us back to the UK the boy in me had been left behind. A man returned, scarred by the death and destruction he had witnessed. I became obsessed with becoming the spark the world needed to incite the flames of peace and prosperity on our planet.

  • Noor, this would be good for your autobiography, but you have to make it relevant for your application to Medical Schools. No problem about highlighting that you took responsibility and you were in charge of your family safety at a very young age (that would be a plus). But don’t tell your life story. It needs to be relevant, it is for the application. 

My ongoing journey as a healthcare assistant began in 2016 and for 3 years, I have worked alongside over 200 different NHS professionals, helped a range of patients from the ages of a few months to over 109 years old, and shed tears with family and staff over those that are no longer with us, may they rest in eternal peace. 

Grinding day after day in the understaffed hospital gifted me the ability to communicate exceptionally well, especially with those suffering from learning disabilities. Patients with Tourette’s, Downs, Williams syndrome and dementia struggle to communicate their most basic needs. Working with these patients for such a long time has made me attentive, patient and able to think critically enough to give them the care they deserve. No longer must a patient feel ashamed of their disability. No longer are they made to feel like any less of a human being. We all feel lonely and a simple conversation with the right person can save them, even from attempting suicide. Positivity and enthusiasm are infectious, and a hospital must harbour love to run successfully. And those closer to death need our humanity the most.

The hours are long and working 8-12 hours every day can defeat you. And it did defeat me. I did not enjoy it, at first. Nevertheless, something kept me coming back every day, giving it my all. My resilience and adaptability grew alongside my time at this hospital. I evolved to be more confident to the point of handling jobs others would shy away from. I started working on different wards, taking on novel responsibilities and ever widening the radius of my comfort zone. I began to understand how the hospital was ran and how it could be made to run more efficiently. Your perspective is the window through which you see the world and mine remains unwavering and unafraid in the face of difficulty. My sense of duty for humanity propels me forward so that every problem is an opportunity in disguise and only through making this known will humanity emerge from the darkness into the light.

A bibliophile and epistemophile, I love to read and learn. At 12 I had the reading ability of a 16-year-old. I have read books on every topic, from philosophy to marketing to medicine. (- don’t make it look too show off) Following my passion through my Neuroscience BSc has opened my eyes to the marvellous human body. My 3rd year lab project is focused on figuring out the roles microRNA-17 has on neurological diseases schizophrenia, autism and various learning disabilities. If our research is successful, the published research paper will have my name at the top. In my spare time I read various papers from multiple scientific journals to widen my medical knowledge and proceed in my degree. Firmly I believe that health education should be administered from the youngest of ages, and I wish to introduce this way of thinking into our education system (be careful about this statement. DO you want to be a medic or a teacher?). I see my soul as a library from which I radiate knowledge and goodwill to all those around me. I love to gift people books. I read a person, and then personalise each book to its recipient. The value I give to the world is out of a selfless duty to leave planet earth in a better state than how I found it. 

I have struggled with a multitude of personal issues. I have lived godless in the pits of hell and returned to Him riding on the backs of angels. No-one’s suffering is special. We all have the most terrible of problems. Part of my duty in this life is to help others like I was helped. To show them a better way and guide them out of their diseased state and show them how to live long and healthy lives while contributing positively to the world around them. Having gone through the toughest of trials I can see through the white lies of people who are suffering and can help them in ways nobody else can. I have a ripple effect on those around me and my emotional intelligence enables me to sympathise with those in need to make them better, so they can make the world better

  • Too personal and not what they are looking for. They want facts and you to show them that you reflected on it. 

Fate is decided by the individual, and all my life I have set my own fate. Practicing the art of Medicine will allow me to reach into the souls of people and light candles of love inside their hearts.  Medicine is a life-long journey that begins way before you set foot in the lecture hall. More than anything I know I will change the world. Medicine is the vehicle that will get me there. Love for all people and the opportunity to hone my craft over years and years of never-ending self-education gives me hope that being a superhero is far from fiction. The real beauty of life can be felt by providing value to the world while expecting nothing in return. The beauty is in the struggle, and the endpoint is just a wonderous possibility.  

  • Noor, this is too poetic. Again, it is too personal and not what they are looking for. They want facts and you to show them that you reflected on it.  

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