The harsh wind bellows through your body. It penetrates your every cell and blows out through your plasma cell membrane. Your mitochondria shudder as they work to produce more ATP.
For you are going to need more ATP.
You stare straight ahead, and you see a road.
It’s not just any road. This road
if you choose to take it
will grant you happiness and misery and joy and grief.
You understand what will follow should you take this road
You understand the risks of this game that you play
Are you ready to give it all it wants to take from you?
Maybe you are confused.
Maybe you do not understand what this road signifies.
This road signifies a decision.
A decision that we all inevitably make.
A decision that is essential for any human beings’ progression in this game called LIFE.
A decision that will rip your heart out whether you like it or not.
Sounds difficult, doesn’t it?
It gets worse
On your left is another road. And on your right.
Each road is different
Each road takes you on a path of a million possibilities and a million kisses and a million arguments
They are all shit
How do you choose between these 3 roads?
These 3 roads that are all unforgiving, and all equally miserable?
Have you guessed where you stand?
You are at the crossroads of life.
Have you ever been forced to make an important decision that affects not only you but those you love?
And those you hate? Because trust me that fact does not make the choice any easier.
This decision could be anything.
It is different for everyone.
Maybe you’ve already had yours. Maybe it was filing for a divorce. Maybe it was quitting your safety net job. Maybe it was choosing to turn your father’s life support off.
We talk about life being a game but that could not have been oversimplified anymore. In a game you have right and wrong, you die you come back.
In life every decision WILL have a catastrophic effect on your future. Negative and Positive.
If you’re willing to take the risk.
You stand in front of 3 roads. You don’t know what lies ahead.
You saw on Twitter that stagnation is the patient man’s favourite method to kill your soul.
Stagnation is not an option.
The sheep that lies dies.
You must move
Your heart beats faster
You can feel the clogs turn and turn and turn dans ta tête as your emotionally wired mind tries to make a decision based off of logic and reason.
We are emotional creatures and we live off our intuition. And to make a decision with this magnitude then intuition is our best tool, except we do not use it.
Intuition is a collection of everything that is stored inside your mind-bank.
Intuition feeds from your subconscious.
The bank is your subconscious, and intuition is the check. You cash a check in when you need the money.
Without the check, you won’t get your money.
Therefore, without your ability to subconsciously tap into prior knowledge that you have forgotten about the right decision cannot be made.
Have you noticed
How you try and you try and you try to figure out a problem.
And for the life of you you cannot figure out the answer, despite having all the data and the statistics and the charts right in front of you?
When you are least expecting it
The answer comes to you.
You could be singing Taylor Swift in the shower.
You could be beating your deadlift one rep max.
You could be running that extra 500m.
This is intuition.
It works for you while you do other things,
Behind your back it thinks for you. And gives you the answer you need.
Trust your gut.
It will help you more than you think.
We think in terms of logic and reason.
We have trained the MIND to be logical within reason.
But this will not work here.
Because logic and reason does not apply to the choice that you are about to make.
Because in a world as dark as this one
Logic and Reason
Can be as useful as a blunt scimitar in a Sub-Saharan shoot out.
Those 3 roads look daunting, don’t they?
“Fuck this”. You whisper quietly.
You close your eyes.
You sense a flash of light, and the booming crack of thunder.
It’s not even raining.
God didn’t like that one.
You hesitate to move forward so how about…
Could you possibly
Defy the rules of life?
And move backwards?
Backwards through the pain that brought you to this very crossroads you stand at?
Back when life was a feast for the curious, a burst of Tutti-Frutti to the taste buds?
Backwards through your miserable 20s and your failed relationships?
Back when she used to have sex with you because she desired your touch and your smell not for the pity’s sake?
Back even further, as you tunnel through your memories into your teenage years where you were oh such a rebel, and you wanted to go on days out like Ferris Bueller?
Further and further back you tumble to the lighter times when your grandma had not witnessed the inside of her casket yet and she was there for you and she was there for you and she was there for you?
Back when you hated your parents and wished you could run away to the circus and train lions to juggle and learn to breathe fire…
You snap back from your daydream.
You sense the path ahead and the path speaks to you.
It tells you
Make a decision.
For the images that flash onto your parietal lobe are merely a mirage. They exist solely because you wish for these times to come back.
Because you are fearful
And you want to not have to make this decision.
The decision that is haunting you
Then you realise…
You realise, in the split second you snap back from the daydream.
You realise that you cannot go backwards.
That TIME faded away, as if it did not exist.
And all that exists is right now in the present. And anything that happened before doesn’t matter. Because it is where you are going next, that really counts.
THIS THING WE CALL TIME.
This commodity that slips through your fingers like the grains of sand that litter the surface of the Mojave
This essence- can I call TIME an essence?
TIME is the most precious commodity on our planet. It’s our most expensive bargaining chip and yet the one we use most sparingly.
You just spent 2.5 seconds reading that.
And you’re not getting that back.
We just don’t have enough of it
You see we can never
Get the TIME that we spend
You open your eyes.
Back you stand
At the crossroads
You have exhausted all your options.
You cannot stay still.
You cannot go back.
There is only one way.
You must go forward.
Everyone has a moment in their life where they must go forward no matter how scared you are.
No matter your fear of the unknown
When it feels like Gods mighty army of living things is conspiring against you
In a world brimming with his creation.
Except his angels are disguised as discordant dogs and clawing cats and mad men and wailing women.
And you feel you have nothing and the universe is giving you the cold shoulder
And you feel alone
Oh so terribly alone
Alone, you are the final robin to survives the harshest November the UK has ever seen.
Alone, you are the last WW2 veteran on Remembrance Day who walks solitarily down the aisles of the graveyard, surrounded by stones carved with your friends names.
You look at the world you fought for crumble into decayed matter filled with earthworms and denitrifying bacteria.
None of that single tear bullshit.
You ball your eyes out in front of the funeral parade. You are too old to care anymore.
Alone like the last leaf on a great Pine tree as the summer comes to an end, and the reign of ice and terror and blizzards begins once again.
And as that last lowly lone golden leaf detaches from the tree, the one stable anchor that existed in your imposed reality.
You gently drift further down, assisted by the ancient force of gravity where you will join the atoms of all those who were once living and remain forever in a muddy pile on the ground.
Finally to rest in the rotted graveyard with your many brothers and sisters at the base of your mothers trunk.
And the mother tree, is truly alone.
Because all her children are dead.
But she soldiers on.
Did you see that?
Go back… there.
Did you see that as well?
Tell me you were able to recognise the magnitude of the written word
Which I have thrust under your nose to revel in the insanity that is my mind.
I bet you missed it.
I shall tell you what is right in front of your eyes
Yes, you are blind
Yes, you are alone
But the mother tree soldiers on.
And if she survives the harsh and lonely Winter
She is met in the Spring, with new children, and grows into a bigger, stronger and more fruitful tree with every coming growth ring.
And there the moment of clarity hits.
Nobody is going to save you
Nobody is going to make your decision for you.
Nobody is going to push you in the right direction for you
You are truly alone
And that’s okay.
Every decision you have ever made has led you to this moment
You may not be a writer but
You are the author of the book of your life.
You choose the font
You choose the picture on the front
You choose the fucking chapter names
Except this one.
For I am choosing this one.
And this chapter is called
Taking my first step.
YOU TAKE YOUR FIRST STEP.