The idea to start a blog has been on my mind for a while. My Myers-Briggs type is ENTP, so I have always had the strangest ideas (some of them good, some of them bad) but in the end, nowhere to put them.
As a full time student, I never have the time (or the money) to fulfill many if not all these ideas.
So starting today, they are going into this blog.
I like to dive straight into the line of fire with everything I do. So this is the closest that you (the reader) will get to an introduction.
Two years ago, a lad I knew said: “Noor, I need writers for this media blog project portfolio…” it was some uni shit. I said yeah go on.
I wrote one post.
My best friend at the time, (let’s call him Pete) wrote a blog post too.
Then he stopped.
Why did he stop.
Did the post get negative reviews? No. The kid was smart. Unsurprisingly, everyone loved his writing. He had people that never spoke to him at school approach him in the club telling him they loved the post he wrote.
((I may link it one day.))
“What’s the problem then, why did he stop writing??”
The short answer is that he couldn’t. It became impossible for him to do anything worthwhile. It was an illness of some sort.
I shall call it the Bubonic Beta.
But you didn’t come here for the short answer. So here’s the long one.
Like all of us he was young and dumb and broke, so he dedicated what little time he had to working his shitty minimum wage job and going out as much as he could. Not even to meet girls at the time (because he couldn’t do that then. Not yet.)
Just for the sake of it.
“Why would he do such a thing??”
“Why didn’t you stop him! You know you could have!”
He wouldn’t listen to anyone. He was on a mad one, fell out with his parents over money and started gambling.
Falling out with your parents is the single worst thing you can do.
It breaks you.
We all remained positive. Its just a phase. EVERYONE does it, so it must be fine. It was the social norm to work from pay check to pay check and spend it all on booze and weed and takeaway and party all night and sleep all day and regret it all in the morning.
Everyone does it, so it must be fine.
But the problem with this lifestyle is that it gives you zero time to improve yourself.
It gave him Zero time to improve himself.
It gave him Zero time to achieve a single thing he had wanted to achieve. It completely killed off his creative process. He became a zombie.
He started getting fat. None of us went to the gym but we were all bigger than average in our age-group because of different sports we played in school. Physically he was a mesomorph. He had a muscular build, and a high metabolism to go with it.
Tie this lack of exercise with a very poor student diet (pizza, chicken nuggets and chips EVERY night), sleeping in till 2pm EVERY day (sometimes later), and going out EVERY weekday and weekend… he had become a sorry mess of fat DEPRESSED millennial.
Pete had always been self- confident and very much the people person, always getting along with everyone. He couldn’t hold a long conversation, and had terrible chat when it came to girls but boy was he sure of himself.
All of this went away.
He became a faded shadow of the man he once was.
A caricature of the fat, lazy, millennial stereotype that you see and hear of on TV, manosphere twitter, and many “spot the beta” memes.
That’s when the loathing started.
He didn’t know who to blame, so blamed everyone but himself. He stayed in his room and barely left his bed. He hated every second of his life. He became paranoid and angry all the time. His personal hygiene went down the toilet and he stopped showering.
“This is stupid. I could have stopped anytime. Why couldn’t Pete?”
Because he was so deep down the dark dark rabbit hole that it felt impossible for him to turn back.
You know when you’re having an argument with someone, and you know you’re wrong. But you keep arguing anyway for the sake of arguing? Because you don’t want to admit that you’ve fucked up? Because of this thing called PRIDE, mixed with another called EGO.
With a positive mindset they can make you rich.
In his dark dark mindset they impoverished his soul.
With the wrong mindset these two can delude you, blind you to what’s true and cloud your judgement so much you end up forgetting what consummates a right and what consummates a wrong.
Your aura becomes infused with negativity, and this pushes everyone that has ever loved you away.
Then you are truly, alone.
This is why he could not stop.
On and on he tumbled.
END OF PART ONE.